The Year of Shit and Shift: Escaping, Surviving, and Searching for Peace

 This year was nothing short of chaos—a year of shit and shift.

We left, unprepared, from the place we called home for 14 years. We carried nothing but a few clothes and some important documents. It was a decision made overnight—an escape from my sister’s abusive partner. He never raised a hand on us, but his words? They cut deeper than any wound. For five long years, we endured the slow poison of his cruelty.

But in May, we finally said enough. We took a leap of faith and walked away, leaving him—and the weight of his torment—behind. It wasn’t easy. We always wanted to help him, to heal what was broken. But our very presence, especially my sister’s, became his trigger.

So we chose ourselves. We chose peace.

Peace?

It doesn’t feel like peace. We’re still haunted by the past. Our lives feel like a complete mess—living in a new place, unsure of what tomorrow will bring. It feels like we’re back to square one. I even went back to a job I once swore I’d never return to. We’re financially drained, and the goals I once held so tightly seem to have slipped through my fingers.

I find myself no longer wanting to make goals at all. No matter how hard I try to climb out of this rut, something always seems to pull me back down. I feel like I was placed in this world just to play small, to feel small.

I even question God: “Is this really my path? Is this all You want for me? Just this? I know I can do better than this.”

But His plan feels so unclear. Fourteen long years in Canada, and yet, here I am—stuck, feeling worse than ever.

Or maybe…it’s me. Maybe I’ve stopped seeing the small blessings that are still here. Despite everything, I still have work. I’m still standing. We’ve survived what I once thought would destroy us.

What if the change I’ve been waiting for isn’t out there, but within me? Maybe I need to change my mindset, let go of the impossible standards I keep holding myself to, and start appreciating the life I have now. Maybe gratitude is the first step—the step that could finally lead me back to the goals I thought I’d lost.